Sorry it has been 4 weeks since the last post. I lose track of time.
We are in crisis mode - I need all prayer warriors put to work and serious time spent fighting for Troy. Here is what has been going on -
When Troy went for his last chemo treatment over a week ago he had lost another 3 pounds (he now weighs 138 lbs.) and I think for the first time the doctor saw how weak and tired Troy is getting (he has been putting on a good front for the MD until now.) The side effects from chemo compound with each treatment and they have been getting really bad on top of further pouch complications that increase with each passing day. Troy was supposed to have a total of 10 treatments but after last week the doctor wants to cut it back to 8. He doesn't think Troy has the oomph to plow through 3 more treatments and be healthy enough for more surgery. As of now Troy's last chemo will be this coming Thurs. This is exciting and scary. We hope that 8 treatments and surgery will have gotten everything. The doctor sounds confident and we can only pray.
I will be honest and say we are starting to lose our passion for God's plan in our lives. We know Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior but it honestly feels like everytime we or someone else passionately prays for Troy life just gets a little worse. We had been noticing this for a while but it is getting really concerning. The other night the elders and their wives from church came over to pray over our family. It was great to have them here and our spirits were buoyed by their confidence and faith. Wonderful heartful prayers were sent up and we were all feeling good when they left. That night Troy had one of the worst nights of his life - sick, broken, and left clinging to the scraps of life he has left. He was left feeling confused and forgotten by God.
Yesterday Ron, our pastor, came over and Troy and him had a very nice visit. Once again strong prayer was put over Troy and last night I had to rush him to the ER due to excrutiating kidney stones. He has had stones in the past but this was the worst he has ever had and it was also on the same side as his pouch which left him feeling like his pouch was being ripped apart. I stood next to him on the ER cart holding his hand and fighting for him not to give up. There was a pain in his look, cry, and eyes that comes from somewhere so dark and deep that words will not explain it. I hope that no one reading this ever has to see what I saw last night. Through the pain and tears that had to do with more than just kideny stones we held eachother. It was a time when the raw need for eachother was laid out. We both knew what he was fighting for. Troy is my air, my water, my life. I will fight tooth and nail to keep him here, last night was a mental battle but it also made me realize I have been misunderstanding and misjudging a HUGE part of this process -
WE ARE IN A SPIRITUAL WAR!!!
This battle is more than beating a physical cancer and keeping your mental game straight. Oh no, those are the little pieces. SATAN IS OUT TO SEEK, KILL AND DESTROY TROY. He wants to see Troy struggle when he gets his faith back under him. He wants me to be angry at God. Satan would like nothing better than for my family to come out of this being further from God than when we started. I really feel like there is a battle going on above me roof. Who gets Troy and my family? This realization changes everything. Any anger and resentment and frustration is no longer towards God but now tenfold against Satan. If Satan thinks he can sneak into my life and take what is most important to me he has got another thing comin.
IT IS GO TIME! THIS IS MY PRAYER "JESUS CHRIST YOU ARE MY GOD AND SAVIOR. YOUR WILL IS SO. I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER YOUR DIVINE PLAN. HELP ME STAY STRONG IN MY FAITH AND TRUST IN YOU. KEEP SATAN FROM MY HOME AND FAMILY. KEEP US SAFE IN YOUR PROTECTING ARMS. HELP ME PUT ON THE ARMOUR OF GOD AND SHEILD MY MIND FROM THE EVIL ONE. BLESS AND PROTECT MY HUSBAND AND CHILDREN. MAY TOMORROW BE A BETTER DAY. - AMEN"
Please, please, please pray for Troy. Pray for strength to make it through this last chemo. Pray for encouragement that the end of treatments is near. Pray for protection from evil. Pray for less pouch problems and better nutrition. Please ask everyone you know to pray. This is a breaking point for Troy and we all need to help him through it.