Troy is having a pretty rough day today. He puts on a brave face and won't complain about anything but you can tell by the way he moves and the look in his eyes that his body is failing him more than he admits. I have to practically pry is out of him to tell me what exactly isn't feeling well. Right now his head is killing and his stomach hurts. He was able to eat half a slice of pizza and a nutty bar so maybe that will help. He has a hard time getting the protein he needs - it doesn't settle well in his stomach and he has problems digesting it - so I'm sure that the headaches are partially due to his blood sugar getting low. He is kinda like Gavin in the amount of food he takes in - total of one good meal a day. I feel so helpless. He tries really hard to push through the day and play with the boys and do a few things around the house. He just wants to feel normal again, to not be sick from chemo, to not have a tube sticking out of his belly and just be able to enjoy his family. I've run out of positive ways to spin things. I just try to love on him and encourage him to stick it out one more day.
Yesterday was a big day. People from work came over in the morning and helped do yard work with me and then Troy and I went to a birthday party for a friend in small group. No kids were allowed and it was so much fun to just sit with our friends and relax...until Mid called to say Grayson would not take a bottle (he was screaming in the background). Grayson is such a Mama's boy I am really starting to worry about going back to work. He won't take a bottle and can freak out pretty quick if I'm not around and he isn't being walked. High maintenance.
I found a great quote yesterday. I try to find something inspirational everyday. God is present if I seek him out
"Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy hidden heart of it because, in the last analysis, all the moments are key moments and life itself is grace." Frederick Buechner